Hi my dear..

..How are you ?
..Are you fine ?
..Everything works out ?

Please dear.. dont worry that i still write you...

After all it seems you have left a warm & gentle feeling in my heart and mind - and I am thankful for these nice memories you gifted..

Joe and I are ok so far... I slept two nights in the pastoral house next to the church, hiding myself, while he went out for prayers..sometimes I wondered, if people down there in the marcetplace would at all belive, that I exist here...nobody ever saw me with conscience......and they will never get to know what it takes from "their" priest (and their "wifes") to lead a minimum of private life...how hard it can be sometimes....true dear...slowly, slowly I realize what I am doing with myself dear...and sometimes i am about to collaps inside...that´s what I really start to see: if our encounter brought somehting for me besides nice memories, it is some quality of silent awareness dear.....................life is so beautyful dear.

..but what to do, i dont really have another solution right now...and somehow I still love him ...I am just glad that he is safe here now. You know, in the very last half year before we managed to bring him to Europe, he lived in Orissa in northindia. Fanatic Hindus started persecution on christian churchworkers...you can read that in the internet. They really killed people. He lived in a small house in the fields, and tried to barricade the doors and windows with wood. But in the end he flead to live unknown in another village 300 km far away until his visum reached..

Now he is here; and we will try to start seriously this year for a baby... it is not allowed in Germany, but somehow I have found ways... and money.. and I still hope deeply for a small Joelie..

take good care of you dear...
I will keep our days inside..


I


" All you can, all you can
you gotta take this life and live it
all you can, all you can
and never let it go
'cause there´s one thing in this life I understand

Siamo noi, siamo noi
che abbiamo ancora voglia di stupire noi
siamo noi
la teniamo sempre accesa
quest'ansia leggerissima che abbiamo un po'
di vivere la vita piú che puoi.."

Hi dear...Steve..

I just got visit from my mum and dad, and we went out for a short trip to france.. it was really nice!! I wanted to see a small village in france here nearby, and we all were stunned about this beauty.I have never seen anything similar beautyful as a village...to tell the truth, once you come here (if) you really have to see that.. I will bring you here, if you want or not.. :-)

take care dear..
Me

Hi dear Steve..

Really dear, i hope you are fine..
I dont know wether you will ever come back to this place; it´s just to let you know that it is from the very bottom ok what you do, and that i totally understand everything. Please dont get me wrong when I (maybe for myself) continue to write you sometimes here..it´s your choice to come back and read.. you are free dear.

I am fine dear. I reached safe at home and also visited my priest after a long time. But it seems that Europe is taking away every dream from us. Our past and our strong believe into each other... I cannot really grab it. And you on top managed to put a thought inside of me, that i nowadays follow.. carefully but continously ...not knowing, wheter I will ever be able to be hard enough to safe my future..I never made compromises with my heart ..you know..but after all what happend I dont feel the same power anymore... naja. once it will come back..i pray for it..


take care dear..
Me

Dear Steve

I have no idea, when you will read this.. or if you will ever do - but i just have the feeling that I want to write that..

I don’t know really what is up with me these days, but it seems you have mixed me up a little. Maybe I am little slowlier than you, which should not at all mean, that I didn’t enjoy it being together with you…but really… these few moments were one of the best somebody could have...and I really, really want to thank you for it.. after all I noticed, that it was just too short. Anyway ..I should not have send you away..

It’s a little weird feeling now to walk through these streets alone with these hughe buildings – the shops with travel-luggage, or little speakers - and I get more the impression, that my stay in Hongkong is already over - even though there is more than another week to stay…please just come back with me to temple street …and let us continue to make nonsense. It was really sooo nice.. :-)))

That evening on Tuesday when you left, we only came back from china by 1 am in the night.
It took 4 ½ hours (one way) to reach that company. But it was really interesting, since I love it to get to know the “real” things... This factory was maybe one of these typical “made-in-china-factories” without ANY european influence like from our company.
…Rubbish lying around everywhere, the whole meeting only in chinese language with maybe 10 of these chinese communistic faces, (goldsmiths, chef, secretary) and these very simple technics and workingplaces…cheapest products. The whole day no word English, lunch in one of these dirty restaurants on the countryside with sticky red covers upon the table…. and toilets with a hole in the ground without any paper...haaaaa ;-) (which is fine for holidays, but little strange with office dress...) And then we drove back by jeep, by bus, by taxi, everybody started to sleep. I was sooooo deadly tired ... and at the chinese custom they started to scan me. I still had some gold jewellery in my PC-bag that I forgot inside already in germany…. Uiiiiii…

It was strange to come back that evening dear... I don’t want to create a more weird feeling than needed, but it was as if a spirit had gone…and today after 4 days…i started to struggle a little somehow. Cannot really explain. I am totally aware about your life and there is no reason to create it wrong...I have no idea about that. But it was just toooo beautiful with you.

I simply wanted to walk back to the places. The bridge with habourview, starbucks coffee..dont ask me what is up today with me… I started to see your sons´video once again to find your face in his face. And there is really one scene, where I could see you… it just made me smile.

Please don’t believe I am crazy. No idea what is up.. maybe I simply want to sit here and spend one of these moments with you once again. Don’t think that I spy you, when I tell you I searched for you. Don’t think I become a problem for you. I will never be..


Tuesday 27th April, the week after …

Hi dear..
Don’t ask me why I write you again. I simply don’t know that..
…maybe you have become a “holy ghost” for my trip - and in a way you still are around me until I will leave this chinese soil.. haaaa… (if you are really my guardian angel these days, then you are a real friendly one, that I can still feel smiling upon me.. thank you ) …don’t worry dear… I am not a stalker.. I am not crazy.. don’t be worried…even if I was courious to find you - since I don’t really wanted to imagine never to see you again… Maybe you have simply be my true companion these days..

Last Sunday my working colleague came, and this trip changed into stress… from breakfast until night. Sometimes when she cannot stop talking during breakfast, I secretly look up to these glass-lifts... like last Tuesday morning…but naja dear… they are just hanging there & keep silent.... :-/ (in contrary to you)……

Originally I should go to china again, but there are too many things to organise and rush, that I still sit here in Hongkong ...and now I sit again opposite of “Sticky Fingers “ with my wine.... naja….let “sti(n)ky fingers” become a memorial..… haaaaaa….

And you know what is funny ..on Sunday I found a mail from my working colleague, where I was only set on copy only…where they introduced me officially as their “Design- & Productmanager of XXXXX” … funny that nobody talked to me officially… but it’s a job… better than without one… otherwise I would think too much about Option one.. harrharrharr.. 

I guess I stop better here… otherwise you think I have nothing else to do …

Take care dear
I am sure we will be friends for long years.

your
Me



Wednesday, 28.4.

Hi sweet.. just if you want here a chance call this no in UK 01617002727 (local rate) and you will get computer voice.. she asks you to dial wanted number.. its for manchester callingrate only. rest is free. if you dont want.. same happens as you told already, this message destroyes itself same as the author..


Wednesdayevening

Dear..

Sorry that I write once again here...I shortly sat at the dining table on my own in the restaurant, when your message arrived. I myself wondered abut my reaction, when reading it - since I was clear about the very beginning, that I didn’t search or wanted any adventure. It is too easy to destroy something, but you will mostly not gain back something similar precious.

Nevertheless I had to swallow a little.. maybe little too much…and I wonder about myself about my reaction on it, since I never had any idea about anything more.. you know that… Indeed, maybe you managed it to give me some of these very good old feelings back, that I desperately tried to avoid last years for my own protection..or penalty...

Just please don’t feel so guilty. There was not at all anything wrong. Things like that happen to everybody nowadays – but we both managed to keep our values upright.. in comparison to others...therefore we should better feel GOOD instead of guilty. Don’t let yourself chase from anybody because of this. Also not from any person around you. Some persons are able to create a feeling of guilt or pressure inside of us due to their personality - although there is no reason at all.dont let them chase you.

Let us calm down and see clear again dear. Let me come back to my home and down on earth too.. I will go back to my priest and you to your family…things like this simply belong to a life too.


I will keep quiet now for a longer time for your better feeling
but In spirit I will always put a warm smile around you to keep you warm…

Take good care of you dear..

Me

PS: ..this is my second sweet little love, so dont worry about me ;-) ..good night dear..

PPS: I have checked out this morning and leave for another day to office now dear. At midnight i will take of. Thank you for everything dear..........................................
........................................................................... and take very good care of you please...XXX :-)